As if Guido (the Italian Sausage) hasn’t been through enough, he may have reason to believe there’s something even more sinister afoot.
Take a look at the Sausage Race standings through the first 11 home games:
- Hot dog: 6
- Bratwurst: 4
- Polish sausage: 1
- Chorizo: 0
- Italian Sausage: 0
My first thought when I saw those standings was the same as yours: Not only is this thing rigged – It’s rigged against anyone who wears their nationality on their sleeve. Who is Frankie Furter (aka “Hot dog”) working with? I mean, c’mon these results are pretty lopsided.
After a bit of investigative reporting, what I found was much more troubling. Frankie spent the majority of his offseason working out with none other than Mr. Jose Canseco.
Calls to the league office were not immediately returned but it appears that because the sausages are not part of the MLBPA (baseball players union), they are not subject to drug policies and testing as the players are.
Clearly the FDA needs to step in and get us some answers. The season may go on but we’ll forever remember it with an asterisk.
